Blog Widows

The development of automated publishing software, the platform on which blogs operate, has seen lives change overnight. And for many bloggers, their blogging has impacted on connections and partners in unintended ways. Simply put, blogging can create a class of partners I call, the Blog Widows.

My girlfriend is a Blog Widow. For her, blogging sucks. She is totally nonplussed by what to me is a big part of my daily life. Though when pushed she insists she’s happy for me, in spite of reservations of where it will lead.

Mainly though, I sense she resents the intrusion of such a time consuming player in our relationship. Which is entirely understandable given blogging bears the characteristics of 'an affair'.

Blogging can and often does, occupy some 4-6 hours of my time each day. This is an inordinate, some would even say unhealthy, amount of unpaid time to spend at a keyboard. So let me come straight out and say it - for me blogging is a drug. A drug which satisfies a life long desire to write and be published. Indeed, I’ve even set up a facility for blogging from my mobile phone. Hard core mate.

Fortunately for my blogging, The Angel and I don’t live together. She is a single mother raising 3 teenage children and a star who I love dearly. However when we do get together, she will wake alone in the middle of the night to the dreaded sound of keyboard tapping. Sadly, my occupation and body clock has me programmed to post by dawn.

It’s tough for her but what can she do. She’s in love with a blog addict, resigned to her lot as a Blog Widow. Consequently, I wondered if other bloggers had similar experience in their relationships to mine. So I contacted those on my Blogroll - here’s a list of responses, to which I’ll add more as they come in....

• Kim of Kimbofo - It's become a running joke with me and my Other Half that the only way he finds out what I'm up to or what I thought about something (say a gig we went to or a restaurant meal we ate) is by reading about it on my blog. Sometimes I think he might be right !
• Fabian of The Swanker - Yes Adrian,  I do get the funny looks, sighs and rolling of the eyes occasionally, but I put it to my girlfriend this way: "This is my hobby, so if you don't like it get stuffed. Would you prefer I was down at the pub with my mates, drinking and casting lascivious eyes on other women?".
• Simon of Honkers Expat - Mrs M always has just one comment: "You have too much time on your hands".
• Shelly of Shellyonthetelly - My husband sums up my blog about the TV industry by saying "you'll never work in this town again... is the blog going to put food on the table ?".
• Bernard of Slattsnews - It's marvellous how the sound of a keyboard tapping can magically produce a basket of wet washing, a tree that needs pruning, a car that needs washing and a faux-magnanimous "Don't worry, I can do it myself (sigh)''.
• A bashful Anon - _____ actually finds my blogging intimidating. She's never been in a relationship with someone where so much of their personal thoughts were pole posted up in the public domain for everyone to share. She feels that being semi-public property, she doesn't have that vice like exclusivity on me that all women crave.
• Arthur Chrenkoff - But it is like having an affair! You're having political cyber-sex with thousands of strangers around the world.
• Leigh of The House of Wheels - "La, la, la, la, la, la, whatever makes you happy sweetie".
• Habib of Paul and Carls Daily Diatribe - my partner would prefer to pitch my powerbook in the pissoir than have me pandering to paltroons and pillorying pinkos; personally I think her preference would have me pirating porn.
• Darlene of Darlene Sees Stars - When I say I am a blogger, my family don't know what I mean, potential partners run a mile and I feel like a geek: other than that it is all good.
• Currency Lad - Adrian: I believe Mr and Mrs Churchill had separate bedrooms, thus allowing Winston to indulge his appalling sleeping and other habits until all hours. There's no doubt he would have been a blogger if he lived in our time. Apparently Clementine would leave him a note if he was ever especially needed on a particular night. Very civilised. Sounds like you're on the right Churchillian track in maintaining separate domiciles. THIS !...is your finest hour.
• Wayne of Trucking Blog - Get the blog widow their own blog! Or a DVD player to watch movies while you're blogging! Sit next to her while you blog and she watches a chick flick.
• Michele - My Mr Wonderful has a blog and we each had one when we met. I do not have a reference point to imagine us being blog-less.
• Greg of (Southern Cross) Words - My wife is very encouraging of my 'blogging, even going so far as to point out news or "internetrivia" I can post.  She also lets me know when I've been too political for too long, preferring more of the "culture shock temper tantrums" (Southern Cross) Words is supposed to be about.  Her main purpose, however, in keeping me going on this is to ensure I'm making my antipodean life transparent and accessible to my family and friends back in the States, which is a significant motivation in the first place.
• Omar of Iraq the Model - Well Adrian, my parents for example, have never read my blog but they've shown a lot of understanding and support and sometimes they alert me about some local important events I wasn't aware of and ask me to blog about them. While both of my brothers are bloggers, Mohammed writes with me on the same blog and Ali has his own blog. So the environment can be described as blog-friendly.
• Miss P of pissnvinegar - We're both IT geeks so there's actually a good, cosy night to be had in the cosy glow of the monitor.  Besides, the Young Man knows that if he says a word about my blogging, he'll get a mouthful in return about his online role-playing thing.  Especially that scantily clad female elf.
• Ian of Res publica - No, she doesn't seem to mind and even comments from time to time but with me away from home for two thirds of the time and her mostly out at work when I'm home, we barely have enough time together for blogging to get in the way !
  
  

Comments

[Flavius Aurelius]

Brilliant Adrian. Hope you don't mind me quoting/linking this entry in my own blog.
Cheers

[Scott at Blithering Bunny]

Say this: it's your hobby. If you weren't spending so much time on this, you'd be spending it on another hobby (taxidermy, golf, stamp-collecting, whatever). A man has to have other interests in lfie apart from work and family.

[randwickbelle]

Have your heard the song thats played on the ABC Radio National, usually on "Macca in the Morning" on Sunday mornings, called "My Love is on the Internet again". I think a lot of partners could relate to it, it goes "My love is on the internet again, why wont he come to bed with me we could Yahoo all night long for free......" I cant remember it all it goes on "everytime I hear that modem squeal like a lovers voice thats not quite real....." its so funny, sorry I dont have a link.

[randwickbelle]

sorry for the hasty slack post, wrong radio station wrong name of show.

http://www.abc.net.au/australiaallover/

is a proper link to the program but it does not mention the song.

[Michele]

Great post!

[Derek]

I'm curious--

How does she feel about appearing in your blog? The newspaper at my law school is apparently taking an interest in my blog, which prompted a scramble on my part to delete obvious references to classmates by their first and last names. Blogging, I've realized, is not just a glimpse into my world -- but into the worlds of unwitting characters who would perhaps prefer not to appear in Google searches for binge drinking or murderous plots hatched against especially torturous professors.

[adrian]

Flavius, no problem
Scott, too true, never trust a man without a hobby !
Randwickbelle, can't say I've heard it but I understand the message.
Michele, from a champion blogger like you that's much appreciated.
Derek, Understandably the Angel is ambivalent about public exposure. Therefore I run things like this post by her. And often she will simply respond like Marge in The Simpsons, with that endearing 'hmmmmmmmmmm...'. Enough said.

Otherwise, if any blogger cares to lodge a response concerning how their blogging impacts on their connections, feel free to do so.

[lauren]

I ran across this site while looking for blogs about "Law School Widows". I have had the misconception in my head that all bloggers were scary people who eat little children and were afraid of direct sunlight. Reading the other comments helped me to open my mind and begin to feel more comfortable in this self-revealing world. Thanks for the insight!!