Ugh

It’s not unusual for people who have drunk too much to be sick in a taxi. Cabbies accept this cause and effect condition, it’s only human. What concerns us, however, is how drunks handle their misadventures.

The younger the culprit the less experienced they are in damage control, i.e. they fail to anticipate the problem. And that they dump the contents of their excess in a taxi can also be equally the driver's fault.

Last night at 9pm a young couple of Asian descent hailed me in the City. Upon stopping I noted he was closely hugging the girl, and thought it sweet. Stupid me as he was actually supporting her from falling. This was my first mistake, failure to foresee.

Due to the continual rain I was using the heater to clear the screen from fogging, with the windows all but closed - my second mistake. Within sixty seconds I not only realised she was laying down in his lap on the back seat, but I could actually smell the vomit welling up in her gullet.

“Mate,” I called to him, “if she needs to stop, tell me!” Mistake number three – I should have commanded she open the window before it got to that. Common sense, no ?

A few minutes later he requested we pull over in three lanes of heavy evening traffic. Hitting the cabin light I turned to be greeted by......ugh,

• The bad news was she had pretty much dumped everything in his lap.
• The good news, therefore, was this lessened the collateral damage.
• The bad news was he owed me $40 for the cleaning fee, plus the $8 fare.
• The good news was I decided to only charge him $20, all up.
• The bad news was I was faced with cleaning out the remaining chunky bits.
• The good news was we were near a garage and I was done in twenty minutes.
• The bad news was the revolting odour necessitated an $8.50 bottle of trashy deodoriser.
• The good news was this worked a treat and I was soon heading back to work.

Rolling out of the gas station I found the unfortunate couple waiting at the exit looking for a cab. So I decided to give the fella some free advice for future reference. “Mate, next time she should roll down the window and do it outside the cab, okay?”

He stood with his arm around her and blankly returned my gaze. “You take us now ?” he asked. “What..!?” This was a surprise. “She done now,” he said, “she no more.” She couldn’t stand unsupported and was ashen-faced. “Sorry," I explained, "but you stink.”

It was the truth of the matter and couldn’t be phrased any other way. I was done, too. 

Comments

[Dataceptionist]

Reason you should have charged the full cleaning fee- he would have hesitated to think about having to (potentially) pay the fee twice.

Ew!!! I can think of few things grosser than spew in a taxi

[Turner Mitteron]

The best way to clean up the "chunky bits" is to pull in to a carwash and use their vacuum. Works a treat.

[Rainer the cabbie]

Yuck!!??, I have to stop reading Cablog for breakfast. The cabbies worst enemy, spew of Chew, on a rainy night where you can't open the windows. Nasty!
A big hallo to the young Lady who hailed me to Pyrmont last night, is a avid Cablog fan, and tipped me $10,--. Keep blogging Adrian, at least I made some money out of it, and thank you again Mrs.Passenger.

[Lara]

Hi Rainer! That was me, and the pleasure was all mine - that was the first taxi ride I've had in a long time that wasn't uncomfortably silent. My taxi karma is working again!

[adrian]

Well done, Rainer. And Lara, that's very kind, karma works.

[Goldstein]

I left a comment -about ten lines as printed above -but your spam filter wouldn't allow it to post..

[Dataceptionist]

Rainer and Lara, who broached the cablog topic first? How did you end up finding out that about each other?

[Gonza]

I always keep plastic bags in my cab. BUT what realy pisses me off is when I try to offer one to some drunk sick c**ts they always go -"no mate we are fine" and then - whoa - throw up right on seats.
by the way "cleaning fee" is illegal in victoria