The Jerk

After nine straights shifts I’m currently on a night off, snoozing in front of the television. The Benny Hill Faith Ministries put me to sleep but then I awoke to watch the Australian Open Singles Championship. Who knew lawn bowls could be so entertaining, at 4.30am.

Anyhow the winner reminded me of a fella in his twenties I carried home over the weekend from Darling Harbour. As he strode purposely to the waiting cabs I took him for a young Rod Stewart, teased and gelled blond hair, designer t-shirt and jeans. Climbing into the front seat he barked, ‘Cronulla !’. I groaned and pulled away, resigned to a big job south of the City with no chance of a return fare.

After warning him we faced a slow exit through heavy traffic from the Darling Harbour area he emphatically rejected my suggestion of heading for Redfern, the quickest exit. ‘The E-D mate, the E-D !’, he demanded in a sneering tone implying I was stupid. He was referring to the Eastern Distributor, an extra ten minutes of heavy traffic across town. Whatever, I thought, he’s paying or rather I hope he paying, and worried he may be a runner.

Agitated in gridlock he snatched-on the air controls. ‘Let's get some air conditioning in here pal !’. This surprised me as it wasn’t a humid or hot night. Yet he never closed his window so I left mine open too. Screw him, he was just being indulgent and precious.

Crawling across town he was unsettled in the seat, constantly texting on his phone before talking to a woman. ‘I’m just leaving the City, where are you ?....well I’ll be half an hour...okay see you’. If he wasn’t hanging his head out the window whilst travelling down the freeway he sat forward in the seat with his head on his arms, or rapidly changed position as if ready to jump out.

Finally he broke the tense silence by blurting out to himself, ‘I’m fucked !’. I looked at him thinking I may as well respond, if only to butter him up. Cordial communications can sometimes influence whether a passenger decides to run or not, based on whether they warm to the driver.

I asked him, ‘Mate, you look anxious, what’s up ?’. He first ignored me before tersely mumbling, ‘Dumped me mates...left the bar early...they gave me shit’. Then a stunted exchange took place whereby he revealed further cause for his excessive agitation.

My passenger, married for three years, was on a free night due to his wife being away for the weekend. Yet despite spending the first half of the night in a bar with mates, I couldn’t detect any alcohol odour and wondered if he was on party drugs. 'What, were you chasing women ?', I asked. 'Fuck yeah !', he snorted viciously.

Now at midnight he was rushing home for a secret rendezvous with his wife’s girlfriend. Furthermore, he acknowledged that he’d actively pursed this girl, rather than her coming onto him. It was their first time and he was totally freaked at the enormity of what he’d arranged to do. Good.

Arriving in Cronulla the meter showed eighty dollars. At this point my foremost concern was that he’d throw open the door and bolt. I reasoned he was that sort of cheating arsehole. Slowly he pulled out five fifty-dollar notes and hesitated. Sighing heavily he tardily thumbed them, seemingly reluctant to part with any, just to make me sweat. Like I said, an arsehole. Peeling off two fifties he flicked them at me snapping, ‘Change !’. After this sort of behaviour the only change he deserved was a punch in the head. 

Posted in On the job | Comments (22)

Sounds like a champ, but typical Shire material. Did he have his postcode and an Aussie flag tattooed on his forehead?

Posted by: NH | Jan 9, 2007 9:58:45 AM

What an arsehole! I hope he gets what he deserves...and the deceitful girlfriend as well! There sure a some low-life about who obviously have no consciences. Perhaps he and the wife's girlfriend will share an STD!

Posted by: Lee | Jan 9, 2007 12:38:18 PM

The trick is to drive a "No Dickhead Taxi." Strangely enough, the dickheads usually realise that yours is a NDT, and that as they're dickheads, they're better off getting into another taxi.

I've been driving a NDT since about 2004 -- can't really say I've had any problems since then. :)

Posted by: Roy Wilke | Jan 9, 2007 12:48:17 PM

Amazingly, I saw some of that same Lawn Bowls action myself. Best thing for insomnia. I wonder how those young guys get into the game?

Posted by: James | Jan 9, 2007 12:59:24 PM

JUst another night in the life of a taxidriver Adrien. I remember it well!

Posted by: shadow | Jan 9, 2007 4:18:08 PM

Reminds me of a professional footballer here in Canberra who I regularly drove for while Hire Car driving a few years ago. He used the excuse of "attending an official/sponsors function" to his wife but always seemed agitated, nervous and moody when being delivered to and picked up from his girlfriends place....must be a sign of having at least some moral fibre. Still, a fare's a fare.

Posted by: AC Canberra | Jan 9, 2007 4:51:30 PM

As they say in the classics, "What a fuckwhit."

Posted by: pat | Jan 9, 2007 9:17:17 PM

His agitated actions indicate that he was probably on ex-tacy, a common party drug. Makes you feel extremely hot, among other side effects.

Posted by: Wil | Jan 10, 2007 1:16:13 AM

In posting this story it was really tempting not to omit or change some identifying details. However I figured sooner or later jerks like him get their just deserts.

Posted by: adrian | Jan 10, 2007 7:32:35 AM

The Benny Hill Faith ministeries?

That made me chuckle. All dancing around the church to the Benny Hill theme song.

I think it's Benny Hinn, but Benny Hill is much better.

Posted by: Darlene | Jan 10, 2007 11:18:01 AM

So after getting an $80 fare you're pissed off with not also getting a $20 tip (in a country where tipping is the exception rather than the norm).

Don't you think maybe you're expecting a little bit much?

Posted by: Yobbo | Jan 11, 2007 1:21:27 AM

Yobbo, your comment surprises me as a tip was the furthest thing from my mind. Just getting paid was my major concern plus some basic respect would've been a bonus.

I spoke to some drivers last night about this fare and their view was his behaviour was typical of arseholes attempting to create a shitfight as an excuse not to pay.

Posted by: adrian | Jan 11, 2007 7:54:15 AM

Yobbo, I would back up Adrian by simply adding that he described a situation where the guy was being a jerk about pulling his money out and in the way he demanded change. It's one thing to say "change please", or EVEN say *nothing* and sit there, expecting change. Saying "CHANGE" like a jerk, well, is jerk behaviour. So Adrian's reaction in his writing was totally logical IMHO.

Hopefully the Jerk's wife may stumble upon this and catch him - or perhaps some other form of poetic justice will be visited upon him.

Posted by: Krupo | Jan 11, 2007 1:42:17 PM

I see that Yobba has brought out his wooden spoon for use again in 2007...perhaps he received a new one for Christmas as his other one must be pretty worn out by now!

Posted by: Lee | Jan 11, 2007 7:29:44 PM

I hope his Johnson failed to work in the precise moment. Would serve him right. The wife's girlfriend is just as bad.

It sounded to me like he didn't want to pay the fare as well. Hesitating like that? I thought he was going to only give up the 50 and run.

Posted by: Sheri | Jan 12, 2007 10:50:31 AM

Sounds to me like you are all blowing it out of all proportion. He might have hesitated just because he remembered he was supposed to go to the bank or something. Maybe he was deciding whether to pay cash or use his card.

He paid in full. You got an $80 fare, which is highway robbery in any case. I can fly to Bangkok for $65 but it would cost more than that to take a Taxi to the airport.

The jerk here is you, for expecting a tip (in a country where, let me repeat, tipping is not and should not be expected). And then blogging a whine post about a guy who didn't give you one.

Posted by: Yobbo | Jan 13, 2007 3:11:32 AM

Yobbo, you've totally misread the post. You're smarter than that so either wise up or piss off.

Posted by: adrian | Jan 13, 2007 7:05:56 AM

Put on your glasses, Yobbo and stop being a yobbo...no where did Adrian write that he expected a tip!

Posted by: Lee | Jan 13, 2007 10:26:47 PM

You're full of it Yobbo. Its a long trip, $9.00 in tolls for a start. Like most business there is a hell of a lot of costs to take out. I don't thing taxi drivers are overpaid. $65.00 to Bangkok? might be on that plane they found down the bottom of the ocean the other day. Doing the dirty with your wife's friend what a sleaze.

Posted by: Peter | Jan 13, 2007 11:07:06 PM

opps think not thing.

Posted by: peter | Jan 13, 2007 11:16:55 PM

http://www.tigerairways.com/home/

Posted by: Yobbo | Jan 14, 2007 1:54:13 AM

Yobbo, how can you call any fare - $8.00 or $80.00 "highway robbery" ?
Cabbies earn less than the teenagers that work at Maccas - the same kids that we take home at midnight.
Wait a minute...Do you drink at Darling Harbour? Have you got a girlfriend in Cronulla? A friend of your wife?
Adrian, I think I know who "The Jerk" is...

Posted by: Gold Coast cabbie | Jan 25, 2007 12:19:27 AM