Sydney is currently hosting the annual Australian Fashion Week, sponsored by
Around 11 pm I flicked down there hoping to catch some stragglers for the inevitable yet short journey to Elizabeth Bay, Darlinghurst, Paddington and parts thereof. Areas where most fashionistas tend to roost.
Emerging from Wildfire restaurant a middle aged businessman hailed me for a trip to the North Shore. ‘So you with Fashion Week ?’, I inquired. ‘Nah, just entertaining some clients for dinner’, he replied. ‘However a bunch of models came into Wildfire for dinner’.
This would be the girls from the last show of the evening, seeking a lettuce and carrot salad I guess. ‘How were they looking, beautiful ?’, I asked. ‘Absolutely’, he said. ‘They could park their motors in my bedroom anytime’. ‘Yeah, but then you’d have to talk to them’, I suggested, ‘which may be a problem given many of them aren’t even old enough to vote, let alone maintain a decent conversation’.
We had a laugh and got to discussing beauty. He struck me as a successful and sophisticated cove so I was keen to hear his opinion. ‘You know’, he said, ‘there’s only three defining characteristics for female beauty - skin, teeth and clothes. Get that right and a woman can get away with anything ’.
This would be comfort to those girls and women lamenting the lack of high cheekbones, mysterious eyes, luscious lips, slender necks and other so-called attributes of classical beauty. Features decreed by fashion models, style magazines and the cosmetics industry.
My passenger related a recent encounter with Sophia Loren. ‘I was in Turin for the Winter Olympics and attended a sponsor’s party one night. Sophia Loren was seated at the next table and I’ll tell you something. At what - she must be seventy years old now - mate, she still looks sensational. Her skin was unblemished and obviously she protects it from the sun’.
I wondered if this was not due to some cosmetic surgery. ‘Okay, I don’t know if she’s had work done’ he replied, ‘but I wouldn’t be surprised if she hadn’t. Many European women age so well, because of their weaker sun. And probably the diet too. Her décolletage was magnificent, though she probably used a super bra, plus her butt was cut and tight. Mate, what a women’.
Hmm, is age seventy the new thirty ? Cathy Seipp relates an experience where her seventy year old father gave evidence in a courtroom. After his cross-examination by a mid-fifties female lawyer, Seipp suddenly realised the lawyer was hitting-on her father,
Probably, I realized, she did want his bod. And why should he not think so, given how Hollywood encourages this attitude? So far, he’s seen As Good As It Gets three times. I could see my future, and it wasn’t pretty. I think that’s when I started my eyebag fund.
So we can all relax. Middle age no longer heralds the beginning of the end but rather time for cruise control. Keep out of the sun, get those teeth fixed and party-on! Groan...